I was completely off base, Embracing Your Big Fat Ass is a wonderfully funny look at the how we perceive that others might view our ’sitting muscle’. Both authors are to be congratulated in producing such a witty dialog. Both are accomplished stand up comics, and I am sure that some of the material used in the book originated in their on stage performances.

B-Fabs (Big Fat Ass Babes), the authors assure us are all the rage, being a B-Fab should be worn as a badge of honor, not hidden behind tent like structures!

There are so many hilarious parts to this book it is hard to pick my favorites, one story that does stick out comes from Dana of Oklahoma. Very pregnant and shopping for maternity wear in her local JC Penny store, her darling five year old daughter wants to know why she is so fat. I am having a baby she patiently explains, its a miracle growing in my tummy. The five year old contemplates this concept for a few moments and then comments “I know that mama, but whats growin’ in your butt?” Oh the joys of small children!

Laura Banks and Janette Barber tackle all sorts of everyday situations and offer sage advice for the B-Fab. For example, how to deal with competitive family eating. How can you ensure that you get your fair share in a ’serve yourself’ at the table environment? Simple, sit down 10 minutes before everyone else and sneak nibbles under the guise of helping out.

The ideal boyfriend or husband we are told, is one that does grocery shopping unasked and likes to cook.

They even offer advice on underwear for the well proportioned, thongs are OK, but bright colors are recommended. That way, in the case of a trip to the Emergency Room, they are easier for the doctor to locate.

Although this is a richly humorous book, there are threads of a deeper concept running through it. Far too many people, women in particular worry way too much about their self worth and how others perceive them. This results in low self esteem, and even depression. The message in Embracing Your Big Fat Ass is loud and clear. Live for you, not for someone else’s image of you.

A very funny read, and one that I can recommend, but I will give a word of caution to anyone thinking of buying this book as a present for their wife or girlfriend. You likely will be sleeping on the couch for a while. And I would definitely think twice about giving as a valentines gift.

With ‘true confessions’ sprinkled liberally throughout the book, you will be giggling from page 1. Although this is not a recognized genre of literature, in my mind Embracing Your Big Fat Ass falls into the ‘Bathroom Reading’ section. A book that you can pretty much open at a random spot, read a couple of pages and get a chuckle out of.

There is also a supporting web site http://www.embracingyourbigfatass.com.

You can pick up your copy from Amazon.

Simon Barrett is the senior editor for Blogger News Net and maintains a personal blog at Simon B. Now semi retired in the depths of Mississippi he has plenty of time to read books by up and coming authors.

Whatever you do, never ever do these things if you value your sanity, your dignity, your levity, and most important, your life. (Unless of course, you are inside Big Brother’s house relishing the presence of 24/7 surveillance cameras and losing all of the above will get you noticed by TV viewers, in which case, this could be turned into “Things You Must Do To Win the Grand Prize”)

Make Funny Faces

With your face so near the CCTV security camera your nose hairs are visible from the security monitor, at that. If you think the security personnel will be amused with the sight of your scrunched-up, cross-eyed, wrinkled-nose, tongue-out face, you have another fist coming.

Did I say fist? I meant think. And even if the fist does not come, you will be certainly marked for life as easily as if a fist has broken your wrinkled nose and set it straight. Or whatever. You know what I mean.

Do a Striptease

Well, your male viewers will enjoy the show. Maybe they will sit back, prop their feet on the security console, relax and drink beer. After all, your performance might rival Big Brother 9 Natalie’s striptease only better because they have exclusive viewing options. Maybe, they will zoom the CCTV security camera on your lady parts for a better view. Yum yum.

Then again, do you really want to be slapped on with handcuffs after the show? Or even clothed again, only with a straightjacket? And did you know footages from the CCTV security camera can be rewound again and again and again for your fans’ perverted pleasure?

Rant and Rave

You will get nowhere on ranting and raving unless you and your viewers either know sign language or adept at charades or proficient in lip reading. You never know if the CCTV security camera can capture your here-comes-the-four-horsemen-of-the-Apocalypse voice!

Why? Simply because not all CCTV systems are sophisticated enough to capture sound and even if they do, they would run into trouble with the law. Another impertinent why? Well, because in many states, sound recordings taken off video cameras are inadmissible in a court of law unless you are the law itself.

If you really want to tell your boss to go (insert vulgar euphemism of choice for intimate relations) with himself, you are better off telling him to his face. Get inspiration on how to do it from Wesley Gibson of “Wanted” fame. And three million dollars in the bank should help with the self-confidence.

The list goes on and on – give the dirty finger, show your shiny-as-a-baby’s-head butt, simulate masturbation and sex, and flaunt what should best be hidden for the sake of the viewers’ sanity, to name a few - but these three are the worst things you can do in front of a CCTV security camera.

Or the best, if you are one of the top contenders in Big Brother!

For authoritative opinions on CCTV systems and CCTV equipment, visit Video-Surveillance-Guide.com and choose the perfect CCTV security camera for your home and office.

Most people know about Holland’s famously relaxed laws regarding marijuana (which is why it doesn’t feature on the list below!) While no other country has achieved such high profile recognition for making marijuana legal, a number of places around the world have quietly relaxed their laws concerning possession for personal use. In most of these countries, possession still remains technically illegal, but penalties are not enforced if you are within certain guidelines – this is known as decriminalisation.

So, if living in a country where marijuana possession isn’t punished by the law sounds like heaven, here are five places you should consider emigrating!

Argentina

After a recent court debate about whether or not to punish those who buy and grow marijuana, Argentina has effectively made marijuana legal if it is in small quantities for personal use. A leading judge in Argentina even decided that it was “unconstitutional” to legislate against marijuana possession! Those who buy marijuana seeds and grow their own are also leniently treated, so long as they are growing a small number of plants. The country is also notably supportive of several medical marijuana programs.

Australia

Before you go booking a one way ticket to Sydney, make sure you do your research. Different regions have different rules, but Western Australia, Southern Australia, Tasmania, Victoria and Queensland have all decriminalised marijuana to a certain degree. In Tasmania, Victoria and Queensland, police have taken to “ticketing” those caught with less than 50 grams of marijuana rather than arresting them, and Western and Southern Australia have instituted on the spot fines for minor possession rather than official warnings or arrests.

Belgium

Since 2003, the Belgian government has made the possession and use of marijuana legal under the following conditions:

• The amount possessed is 5 grams or less

• You are over 18

• You do not smoke in the presence of minors

• You do not smoke in public

You can buy marijuana seeds and grow them in Belgium without penalty – however, you are only allowed to own one female plant. The purchase and sale of marijuana is still illegal, but most Belgians simply get their marijuana in Holland.

Colombia

Colombia, has had relaxed laws concerning drug possession for over ten years. Possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana, one gram of cocaine and one gram of heroin is not considered to be illegal, although things may change – recent conservative governments have considered repealing this law to combat Colombia’s drug culture.

Nepal

Unlike the other countries on this list, Nepal doesn’t have an actual decriminalisation policy towards marijuana – it’s rather that the laws they have are hardly ever enforced! Marijuana used to be legal in Nepal, making it a hippy Mecca in the 1960’s and early 70’s. It has been illegal since 1973 – not that you’d notice. Marijuana is widely available and used, especially by Nepalese holy men. Note that smuggling and growing are punished, but possession and personal use rarely are – if the police catch you smoking they will stop you, but only to collect a small bribe!

Robert Kane is the managing director of Sensible Seeds.com, where you can buy marijuana seeds and informational books online. The website sells its products to customers all over the world.

California introduces Pot Vending Machines

Before you all pack your bags and head over the Atlantic, I should point out that it’s strictly for people with a medical prescription to use marijuana as part of their healthcare – and there are safeguards in place to prevent non-prescribed folks from using it. Patients will be required to provide their prescription, give a fingerprint and then have their photo taken.

This cannabis news remains controversial because although medical marijuana is legal in some states, the federal government does not recognise its medicinal properties.

Utah Teenager Reports Pot Theft to Police

This is one of those marijuana stories that make you appreciate just how some stupid some people can be. Not only did an 18 year old burglar report his stolen cannabis to police, but he accepted an invitation to come in and identify the stash when the robber was caught. No sooner had he confirmed the marijuana was his, then he was arrested and charged on possession with intent to supply.

Sniffer Dog Fails to Find Planted Pot

After planting some marijuana in a customer’s luggage to train a new sniffer dog, customs officials were left embarrassed when this cannabis news story hit the headlines: the mutt failed to find the goods! The mistake, combined with the custom officer’s failure to recall which bag he’d put it in, meant that one passenger left with a free cannabis gift in their luggage. A spokesman for the airport’s customs’ office made a plea for its return: “If by some chance passengers find it in their suitcase, we’re asking them to return it.”

Burglars and Police Raid House at the Same Time

One of the most unlikely marijuana stories in this list: Two Australian burglars broke into a house being used to grow hydroponic cannabis only to discover it was full of police officers raiding the place to search for drugs! The burglars fled, but were caught a few days later by police.

Pot Smoker Reports Dealer to Police over “Bad Weed”

A 52 year old Darmstadt cannabis smoker was arrested for the possession of illegal substances after reporting his dealer to the police for selling him some “completely un-enjoyable” marijuana. The cannabis news article explains that the man had previously taken it up with the dealer directly, who refused to issue him a refund of the £270 he had paid for the drugs. Upon taking his “fraud” allegations with police, he was charged for his crime, despite the “absolutely mediocre quality” of the drugs involved.

Cannabis Plants Cause Police Station Closure

Billericay police station in Essex needed to be evacuated after the stench of confiscated cannabis plants became overpowering. 150 seedlings and mature plants grown from cannabis seeds had been seized from the home of a pro-cannabis campaigner and were kept in the station’s cell, where their strong odour swept through the whole building. One source said “The smell even filtered into the public reception area and people might have got the wrong idea.”

Rock Star Charged with Wanting to Smoke Marijuana…in 1994

An Argentine rock star was charged with informing spectators that he felt like smoking a joint – a decade after the cannabis news story broke. In November 1994, Andres Calamaro told 100,000 fans in La Plata: “I feel so good that I could smoke a joint”. Attempts were made by morally offended parents to bring charges against the rock star, but these were dismissed by the judge in 1995. A decade later a less liberal judge was found, and the case was reopened for the musician, then 43.

Cannabis Smoker Celebrates 120th Birthday

A 120 year old Indian woman living with her 92 year old daughter and 72 year old grandson is baffled by her longevity: “I don’t know how I’ve survived so long. Many relatives much younger than me have died”. One theory suggests it’s her habitual drug use. According to the Sun, the 120 year old Fulla Nayak smokes cannabis cigars and drinks strong palm wine, and this could be the secret of her success.

Paul Delorde is the managing director of Sensible Seeds. Based in the UK, the company sells souvenir cannabis seeds and informational books on cannabis to customers all over the world.

As a past member of the Hallandale Beach Marine Advisory Committee, I was privy to the plans for the new city marina. The plans called for a pumpout station located in an inaccessible corner of a dead end canal. I suggested a more accessible location. The city representative was shocked and stated “Then, everyone would use it.” I was stupefied. The marina is still not built and may never be, as the permits are stuck in a bureaucratic quagmire; much of it over sea grass or some other fish and wildlife issue.

There are about 13 million boats in the USA. This translates to at least 30 million boaters. Shouldn’t we humans get our own department? The Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) regulates many boating issues. However, the FWS is only concerned about Fish and Wildlife. Truth be known they would probably be happy if there were no boats to mess up their environment. If the Fish and Wildlife folks are really concerned about the water quality, whatever their motive is, then there should be no marina that does not have a working pumpout facility.

My condo marina does not have a pumpout facility. Several years ago, I was falsely accused of “dumping my head” at the marina. The dockmaster, who didn’t like me, had led the condo board astray. Most of the board had never even visited the marina, let alone knew what an MSD was. Without any evidence to support the allegations, the manager sent out a certified letter informing me that I had violated several sections of the condo documents, Florida Statutes, Federal EPA regulations and the RICO Act. One of the board members approached me several weeks later and said that he had read the reports and didn’t understand why I would “stick my head in the water” at the marina. He now knows the difference between my head and a marine head.

It is legal to dump your head in the ocean if you are at least three miles from shore. The Florida Keys are an exception. The Keys are a No Discharge Zone. On a trip with my yacht club several years ago to Key West we could not find a functioning pumpout at any of the marinas we visited. When we arrived at Key West, we were all able to pumpout with the city’s mobile pumpout boat. The Galleon, an otherwise beautiful marina, had no pumpout and the marina next door had one that didn’t work.

I think it’s about time to revive CEPTIA, the Committee to End Pay Toilets In America. In the mid 70’s, CEPTIA was successful in banning pay toilets in Florida and many other states in the USA.

As CEPTIA is probably defunct, I propose a new organization to be called CRAP, the Committee for Readily Accessible Pumpouts. I call on all boaters to support CRAP. Write your representatives and demand that they listen to our CRAP. We want free pumpouts at all marinas. We will also lobby for cheaper biodegradable toilet paper. If the Federal Government can subsidize farmers, why not toilet paper? I’m sure you can imagine life without summer squash. But, can you imagine life without toilet paper? It’s about time for all boaters to get off the pot and take action. I also call on the eight million RV owners to support CRAP as they face some of the same issues.

If you would like to join the grass roots movement and support CRAP, contact the author. Sheryl Crow’s recommendation to use one sheet is not the answer to this problem. We need free pumpouts and cheap paper.

Bob E Sherman, a Miami Hurricane, is a columnist for the Waterfront News and the author of the book Am I the Only One That Signals? Listen and learn at http://www.bobesherman.com

Unlike clothes, you cannot disown a personalized business card holder with business cards in it! So what happens when your business card holder is found in these places and everybody you know teases and confronts you about it?

Sleazy Motels

Sometimes, but hopefully not often, you will stay in a roadside motel with a reputation for being a lovers’ nest, a prostitutes’ haven, and a brothel front. This is not to say that you frequent these motels but road mishaps do happen especially when you are on a hanky-panky business with your paramour! (Such an old-fashioned yet appropriate word, don’t you think?)

What do you tell your wife when the desk clerk calls to return your leather wallet with your initialed business card holder to boot?

* Your car was in an accident and the motel was the nearest accommodation available. Well, it is the truth so you get to tell just half a lie. It is good for your conscience, don’t you think?

* Your buddies surreptitiously got your wallet with the business card holder tucked inside and played a prank on you. This is a good one when your buddies will cover your ass anytime of day, no questions asked, and the desk clerk is incapable of speech and thought. Good luck on the second one.

Strip Clubs/Brothels

Uh-oh. You are in trouble. But have no fear; you can always lay the blame on others, on alcohol, on fate, on the weather and on your wife herself. Here is how:

* You can tell your wife that your buddies dragged you into the club but you just watched the show. Cross your heart and hope to die. (Well, actually you crossed your fingers those girls will take it all off.) At the same time, your buddies are also laying the blame on you so that makes all of you even Steven.

* You got so drunk you were barely aware of where you were, which explains the wayward wallet with the business card holder. You slept through the whole show and your buddies helped you get home, Again, better pray to the gods of men that your buddies will cover up for you anytime, big time!

* You were fated to be there that night. If your wife is a big believer in destiny, then maybe it is your destiny to fool her, too. Maybe.

* You just found cover from a brewing storm inside the club. Is there something wrong in keeping your head safe from lightings? Certainly not!

* This is the ultimate. You can tell your wife it is her fault because either she does not cater to your needs anymore or she is not desirable anymore or that she constantly fights with you and you needed to get off steam. You can always pick a fight and divert the issue, right?

However, something bad can be said about leaving something as identifiable as your business card holder in these places. What on God’s earth were you thinking when you brought your business accessories to these places anyway?

You will not be in trouble now and reading this if you divested yourself of business articles before going on monkey business, will you?

You will not be ashamed to carry around high-quality engraved Zippos and a genuine leather money clip from ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com, even when your business card holder gets lost in the most unlikely of places. Find all these and more at ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com today!

Professional Disparateness

Though you might think that assassins and accountants do the same thing - they can kill you, only in different means and methods - they are very distinct professions with equally distinct characteristics. Here are just two of them:

* Accountants deal with the paperwork and numbers. They lug around voluminous papers that threaten to drown anybody who dares decipher the codes embedded therein and they eat numbers for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And these same papers are miraculously stuffed into the slimmest of leather briefcases!

Assassins deal with the dirty work and revolvers. They lug around killing tools that can be hidden most conveniently inside their coats or the most elegant leather briefcases and they eat souls like the Devil incarnate. Or at least, that is what Hollywood wants us to believe; God forbid you ever cross path with an assassin out to terminate your existence.

* Accountants use the power of the pen and calculator to kill (okay, make that crunch) numbers. And lest you even dare think that you can actually make sense of financial statements without burning the midnight oil (and a few of your functioning brain cells while you are at it), think again. Accountants use them to confuse both you and the Internal Revenue Service. And these financial statements change as fast as you can count your fingers! Drat, there goes your profit reduced by depreciation yet again.

Assassins use the brute power of car bombs, sniper rifles, blades and other weapons

of destruction, plus a timer here and there, to kill numbers. If you cannot make sense of financial statements, you cannot make sense of the killings either.

Professional Similarities

Now, this is the more interesting part. How can two professions - one killing inanimate numbers, the other killing animate numbers - have similarities? If you think hard enough, you will get these:

* Both accountants and assassins have uncommon affinity for leather briefcases. It seems that leather briefcases serve the purpose of organizing files and ammunitions at the same time! Remember the movie “Wanted”?

* Both accountants and assassins must be licensed. The former by appropriate government agencies before they can practice their profession. On the other hand, assassins must be licensed to kill by anybody they like whether borne of their own demented minds, fanatical beliefs and monetary greed.

* And oh yes, both accountants and assassins can kill you. Accountants kill you by spiriting away your money to bogus corporations while assassins kill you by spiriting your soul, or whatever it is that makes us human.

In conclusion, if you suspect your accountant to be an assassin in disguise ready to make an ass out of you, then leather briefcases full of your financial documents could be on your next target, er, agenda.

To find the best personalized card holder and leather money clip, as well as leather briefcases for your chosen profession, go to ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com now!

What are other reasons you may have to become an anonymous mailer besides free prank email sending? Perhaps you suspect your husband of cheating on you and you want to catch him on the act. If you are a model citizen, then perhaps you might transform in a hidden sender and inform tax office about those who dare to cheat on their tax paying duties. Untraceable emails can also be used as a way to declare your romantic feelings to somebody. This resource is also perfect to send secure emails when your own email address does not function (temporary email). Other reasons for wanting to hide yourself from email receiver: reporting something to your boss (you might not desire for everyone to know you sent that specific email), sending fake email to verify the loyalty of your friends and warning someone through anonymous emails. In fact, there are so many reasons you should be interested in such a service. It might be a fake email or you may want to send email on behalf of someone. A free prank email can turn out to be a great joke, allowing you to tell (later) to your friends about hidden email sendersend anonymous messages.

However amazing this resource might be, you will have to understand that it cannot be used for illegal activities, committing offence or fraud. You can send emails to anybody but that does not mean you are not to respect the law. For your own security, both the IP address and country of residence are recorded. You can send your own fake email without using any real names, password or personal server. Fame email messages are sent through their server, requiring no SMTP or hosting account to be used. There is no limit on how many anon e-mails you can send throughout the entire day. The send a fake email service can be used from any part of the world, on any computer and by any Internet user (advantage of this service - support HTML platforms). If you enjoy this service very much and prefer sending fake mails through proxies, then you should be interested in the premier account. Apart from an increased number of additional features offered, the premier membership means no footer ads. You will get this service for $12/y. Best part is this service is unlimited. It’s great, isn’t it?

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Parents are not exactly heartless. In fact, your parents might just be teaching you about adult responsibilities that you refuse to take as you cling to being a Peter Pan. There is nothing wrong with being a Peter Pan as much as there is nothing wrong with Michael Jackson. Or maybe there is? But I digress. Here is how to make your father hide his leather money clip faster than you can whine “Oh, Pleaaasssseee help me, Mother”.

Be the Greatest Liar Who Ever Lived

Never ever tell the truth behind your begging them for money. You can invent good excuses for your real troubles - you are sick when you actually are pregnant and want an abortion fast; you have overran your credit card limit because you bought nice things for your sisters in college when you actually have gambling debts enough to pay the year’s mortgage; or you need to take maintenance medicines for depression and anxiety when you are actually a junkie.

If your parents know the real trouble you are in, you can bet your last dollar on your woefully-slim leather money clip that your request will be rejected. Until such time you tell them the truth, maybe.

Discuss How You Plan to Spend the Money

But discuss it in such a way that your true needs will not be addressed. You can be as imaginative as you want in wasting the money they will be loaning you. If you know they have funds for a Hawaii vacation, tell them that you want to go to Hawaii because the doctor ordered it. (Use the depression and anxiety excuse, if you like)

Not only will you end up with lesser money on your leather money clip (cab fare or gasoline sounds familiar?) but you will also be alienating yourself from your miserly parents. No more “Mom, thanks for the quick loan”.

Just Because I Said So

You have often heard this phrase from your parents when you were younger. You want to wear Goth makeup and they told you no; you ask why, they tell you “Just because I said so!” Well, now is the time to use the very same phrase to have your wish done.

Never ever give your parents time to decide about your request. Never ever put your reasons on paper lest they find an “i” with no dots and a “t” with no slash. If they sense something fishy about your request, there goes the dollars to feed your hungry leather money clip.

It is a Donation, Not a Loan

And the best way to scare off your parents is to tell them you are asking, not borrowing. Be as insensitive as you can be about their needs. You might just find yourself kissing the door while they slam it on your face. Your old bedroom door, of course. Nobody said anything about loving parents actually throwing you out on the streets!

Of course, if you really need the money for valid purposes, you should never ever follow this advice. Otherwise, you really are asking for trouble, not money.

If you only you were one of those successful career people with leather briefcases and a personalized business card holder, you probably will not be asking your parents to fill in your leather money clip. Nevertheless, should you need these things, visit ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com.

Men who grew up with much younger siblings are more naturally at ease with taking care of babies. Larry did not have this advantage. It soon became evident the night our friends, Jim and Sally, came over for dinner with their 6 month old child. Wanting to give my husband some practice time in handling babies, Sally handed over her baby to Larry to hold for a few minutes. He was clearly nervous and uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do. When I announced that dinner was ready, Larry who is always the first in line when it comes to food, eagerly turned to put the baby down on the blanket so he could eat. Although my husband was not kid savvy, he was quite familiar with cats, particularly how they can survive falls from great heights. The fact that he was holding a baby and not a cat did not occur to him. He just didn’t make that connection. Thus, Larry bent down so that he was within approximately a foot or so of the blanket and tossed the baby expecting that this little creature would make a perfect landing. Everyone stood in horror as the baby left his arms and clumsily landed on the blanket. We all stood with mouths wide open and out stretched arms hoping that one of us would be able to cushion the impact. Unfortunately, no one could react in time, but we were all quite relieved that the baby was okay and survived my husband’s na